Conflict and Disputes

When the conversation keeps going in circles.

What it looks like

When the conversation keeps going in circles.

Some conflicts aren’t really about the thing they’re about. Being stuck in a dispute usually looks like the same conversation on repeat, each round leaving both people more certain and less willing to move. And somewhere in there it stops being about resolving anything and starts being about who gives first.

Where to start

The techniques that help most here.

If you keep addressing the symptom instead of the root of the conflict, start with The Source Question. If you’re unsure what’s actually yours to own here, start with Own It.

04 The Source QuestionTrace the problem back to where it actually starts, not where it shows up.

09 Own ItFind your part, own it plainly, and stop waiting for them to move first.

10 Action, Review, Course CorrectionTake the action, read what it taught you, adjust, and go again.

Common questions

Good to know.

Is this mediation between two parties?

No. This is one-sided work on your part of a conflict, which you can do whether or not the other person is involved. Bill does practice professional mediation as a separate business, at californiadivorcemediator.com.

Does agreement have to come first?

No. It’s the other way around. Waiting for the other person to come around is what keeps most disputes frozen. One person moving is usually what unfreezes it.

Often, not always

What else this tends to bring up.

This isn’t about being similar. It’s about what shows up in the same season, in Bill’s experience. If more than one of these fits right now, that’s normal, not a sign you’re more stuck than usual.

Next step

Let’s talk.

Conflict and Disputes

When the conversation keeps going in circles.

The techniques that help most here.

Good to know.

Is this mediation between two parties?

Does agreement have to come first?

What else this tends to bring up.

Talk it through with Bill.

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